


show me how to say no

by joshllyman



Series: sportsfest 2020 fills [26]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25103263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshllyman/pseuds/joshllyman
Summary: Honestly, it would be difficult to endure even if he weren’t pining for both of them. Bokuto and Kuroo are perhaps the ideal to which all relationships should be held. They laugh at each other and with each other. They share in each other’s joy and pain. They are wonderful separate, but together they are radiant. They are one of those couples that lesser couples sneer at, because they’rethatmade for each other. It’s hard to watch, and it’s harder to look away.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: sportsfest 2020 fills [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789072
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	show me how to say no

**Author's Note:**

> sportsfest fill: [prompt here](https://sportsfest.dreamwidth.org/28104.html?thread=3236040#cmt3236040)

_ "Grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable haemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed." _ \- David Mitchell, Slade House

\---

It would be easier if he could just walk away. Or if their relationship were anything less than perfect.

Honestly, it would be difficult to endure even if he weren’t pining for both of them. Bokuto and Kuroo are perhaps the ideal to which all relationships should be held. They laugh at each other and with each other. They share in each other’s joy and pain. They are wonderful separate, but together they are radiant. They are one of those couples that lesser couples sneer at, because they’re  _ that _ made for each other. It’s hard to watch, and it’s harder to look away.

Akaashi is too polite to turn them down when they offer for him to join them at dinner because he has no other plans, even though he’d rather stay home and do just about anything else. Next time, he supposes as Bokuto hands him his jacket, he’ll lie and say he’s busy.

(No, he won’t.)

Kuroo holds the door for both of them on their way into the restaurant. Akaashi turns to thank him just in time to see Bokuto lean in to kiss Kuroo on the cheek. They both giggle about it. Akaashi marches over to ask the host for a table for three.

Kuroo orders a pitcher of beer and three glasses over Akaashi’s protests that he’ll pay for his own drinks. Bokuto had slid into the booth beside Akaashi, and on the one hand, that’s preferable, because at least he doesn’t have to look directly at both of them. On the other hand, it means he’s directly next to Bokuto, whose thighs are flush against his own and who tells all of his stories with animated gestures.

He’s in the middle of telling one now, and Akaashi is half-listening, half distracted by the calluses on his hand. He wonders what they’d be like holding him tight at night. He wonders what they’d be like in other places.

“So ‘Tsumu’s all, Shouyou, why don’t you go tell him? And Shouyou says, because he’s not my brother!”

Akaashi laughs quietly, as he’s supposed to. Kuroo laughs, too, but his eyes flicker toward Akaashi. Akaashi looks down and takes a sip of his beer.

When their food comes, Bokuto and Kuroo exchange bites of each other’s meals. Akaashi rolls his eyes, half exasperated and half fond. When Bokuto catches him in the act, he shoves a bite of his food into Akaashi’s mouth. Akaashi is a little furious, but when Kuroo starts to laugh, he can’t help but laugh right along with him. Between the three of them they’re loud enough that the other customers begin to stare. Akaashi finally has to reach out and put a hand on Bokuto’s forearm.

Bokuto looks up at him, eyes still sparkling with mirth. Akaashi looks at the way his dark, slender fingers contrast with Bokuto’s lighter skin. It takes his breath away, just a bit. He pulls his hand back to himself and doesn’t look up for a few moments, focusing on eating his dinner.

He should have known Kuroo wouldn’t let him cover any part of the bill. He’s hardly rich, barely out of grad school and newly cemented in his position as a pharmaceutical researcher, but he insists, thanking Akaashi for all the months he accepted rent several days late, or not at all. 

“What are friends for?” Akaashi murmurs, and Kuroo smiles at him—not his usual smirk, but a genuine, true smile.

When they get home, Bokuto and Kuroo bicker good-naturedly about what to watch on television. They end up on sports highlights, as usual. Bokuto puts an arm around Kuroo, who curls into his side. There’s a space on the far side of the couch that Akaashi could occupy.

Instead he thanks them both for dinner again, bids them good night, and returns to his room. 

It would be easier if he could just walk away. It wouldn’t be easy, by any means. It would be a wound that would have to be carefully tended, watched for signs of infection, but someday it would heal, for all three of them. But he can’t just cut them off like they’re a diseased limb; they’re too good for that, for one. For another, there are moments: moments like when he’d set his hand on Bokuto’s forearm and they’d met each other eyes, moments like when Kuroo had given him a real smile, a smile he rarely gives anyone but Bokuto. Those moments are the things he lives for, the things that keep him from making other plans for dinner, that keep him from turning down their invitations.

He can’t walk away, because somewhere deep down in his bastard of a heart, he still has hope, and that hope keeps him hurting more than anything else. 

**Author's Note:**

> we are once again titling from Hamilton  
> if you're interested, there's an NSFW follow up [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25062445).  
> socials at joshllyman.carrd.co


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